Manga: Takane to Hana
It threw me off when two weeks ago, Curls told me he loves me. Romantically. Didn't get much time to process it then. But woof.
I to be honest am still unsure.
I know having had a Friends and benefits relationship with him blurred it heavily. My desire for him. Is it cause of the relationship we shared. Or because of him as an individual.
I don't know.
I just know that i love him. A lot. I want him physically. I want to be with him physically and emotionally. I'd give up friendships for him. And I'll stand by him.
I think he understands my feelings better than i do.
I asked him to show me his love, or teach me. But he said:
"U already saw it. Felt it. If i showed u it wouldn't be genuine. It's not something i do on purpose. It's something u feel. I wanna be with u more. Make u feel happy. Appreciated. Valued" to be honest, while i do believe i likely reciprocate what he stated. I still don't know if this feeling is called romantic love. He once said he's in love with me. And i just don't know. I feel. But i don't know what's the name to this feeling. Or how to describe it. And maybe this is my way of feeling. Without an ability to describe it, just feel it and show it.
It's sweet though, that what he is probably most excited for is my 'live' confession, that is telling him i love him. And maybe that's what love is. More about the emotions than the physical.
Or maybe now.
And well yeah.
Sometimes i end up thinking of him in the most inappropriate places. During mass (camp) or when my friends/the leaders are around.
I wish i could have a sleepover with him. Plus privacy. .
Ah yes. The guy from primary school that i messaged yesterday, he answered and surprisingly he even said we should meet. To catch up i guess. I'm pretty curious as to how he turned out. Used to dislike him a lot when i was younger cause i used to find him damn lazy during that time we worked together. But eh. We'll see how it turns out. I mean he left me on read for now. So eh. On vera.
Next week, well this week considering it's 1a.m., is gonna be busy. Hopefully not with guide.
Just a meeting phonecall later tonight. But afterwards outings with friends.